Put on your yarmulke
Here comes Chanukah
So much funukah
To celebrate chanukah
Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree
Heres a list of people who are Jewish just like you and me
David Lee Roth lights the menorah
So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah

Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli?
Bowser from sha na na and Arthur Fonzerelli
Paul Newman’s half Jewish, Goldie Hawn’s half too,
Put them together, what a fine lookin jew!

You don’t need deck the halls or jingle bell rock
Cause you can spin a dreidel with captain Kirk and Mr Spock
– both Jewish

Put on your yarmulke
Its time for Chanukah
The owner of the Seattle Supersonica
Celebrates chanukah

OJ Simpson, not a jew
But guess who is? hall of famer Rod Carew- he converted
We got Ann Landers and her sister dear Abby
Harrison Ford’s a quarter Jewish- not too shabby

Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is
Well he’s not, but guess who is
All three stooges
So many jews are in showbiz
Tom Cruise isn’t, but I heard his agent is

Tell your friend Veronica
It’s time to celebrate Chanukah
I hope I get a harmonicah
Oh this lovely, lovely Chanukah
So drink your gin and tonicah
And smoke your marijuanikah
If you really, really wannakah
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah
Happy Chanukah

Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents
We get eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree
Here’s a new list of people who are Jewish
Just like you and me

Winona Ryder,
Drinks Manischewitz wine
Then spins a draydle with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein

Guess who gives and receives
Loads of Chanukah toys
The girls from Veruca Salt and all three Beastie Boys

Lenny Kravitz is half Jewish,
Courtney Love is half too
Put them together
What a funky bad ass Jew

We got Harvey Keitel
And flash dancer Jennifer Beals
Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch is Jewish
And yes her boobs are real

Put on your yarmulka
Its time for Chanukah
2 time Ocsar winning Dustin Hoffmanaka
celebrates Chanukah

OJ Simpson,
Still not a Jew
But guess who is,
The guy who does the voice for Scooby Doo

Bob Dylan was born a Jew
Then he wasn’t
but now he’s back,
Mary Tyler Moore’s husband is Jewish
‘Cause we’re pretty good in the sack.

Guess who got bar-mitzvahed
On the PGA tour
No I’m not talking about Tiger Woods
I’m talkin’ about Mr. Happy Gilmore.

So many Jews are in the show biz
Bruce Springsteen isn’t
But my mother thinks he is.

Tell the world-amanaka
It’s time to celebrate Chanukah
It’s not pronounced Ch-nakah
The C is silent in Chanukah
So read your hooked on phonica
Get drunk in Tijuanaka
If you really really wannaka
Have a happy happy happy happy Chanukah!

Put on your yamulke
It’s time for Chanukah (sounds good guys)
Once again it’s Onakah
The miracle of Chanukah. (give it up for the Drei Dels)

Chanukah is the festival of lights.
One day of presents?
Hell no, We get eight crazy nights.

But if you still feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree
I guess my first two songs didn’t do it for you
So here comes number three!

Ross and Phoebe from "Friends" say the Chanukah blessing.
So does Lenny’s pal Squiggy and "Will & Grace"’s Debra Messing.

Melissa Gilbert and Michael Landon never mixed meat with dairy.
Maybe they should have called that show "Little Kosher House on the Prairie."

We got Jerry Lewis, Ben Stiller and Jack Black.
Tom Arnold converted to Judaism, but you guys can have him back!
(Just kidding Tommy!)

We may not get to kiss underneath the mistletoe
But we can do it all night long with Deuce Bigalow! (I’m jewish!)
Oh My God! Sweet Robbie Schneider is here!

Put on the yamukah
Here comes Chanukah
The guy in Willie Nelson’s band who plays harmonica
Celebrates Chanukah.
Oooo, good job Schneider

Osama bin Laden–(Booo!)–not a big fan of the Jews.
Well, maybe that’s because he lost a figure skating match to gold medalist
Sarah Hughes, her mama’s Jewish!

Houdini and David Blaine escaped straightjackets with such precision.
But the one thing they could not get out of
Their painful circumcision.

As for Half-Jewish actors, Sean Penn is quite the great one,
And Marlon Brando not a Jew at all ,
But it looks to me like he ate one.

Gweneth Paltrow is half jewish
But an aweful time Oscar winner
Jeniffer Conneley’s half jewish too
And I’d like to put some more in her

There’s Lou Reed, Perry Ferrell, Beck and Paula Abdul.
Joey Ramone invented punk rock music
But first came Hebrew school.

Natalie Portmanukah
It’s time to celebrate Chanukah.
I hope I get an Abrtronicah,
on this joyful, toyful Chanukah.

So get a high colonicah
And soil your long johnukahs
If you really really wantukah.
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy
Happy Chan-u-kah!