rss
rss
rss

Hai, una scurta din emisiunea lui Mircea Badea de azi:
Dupa un meci din divizia judeteana, antrenorul echipei invinse da declaratii unui ziarist despre jocul echipei: “Dom’le, baietii jucara bine, da-i batura scarbili astea!”

Primarul ii spune celui mai de succes avocat din oras:
– Domnule avocat, am observat ca veniturile dumneavoastra anuale se ridica la peste 1.000.000 de dolari. Cu toate acestea, niciodata nu ati facut vreo donatie comunitatii…
– Daca tot ati cautat informatii despre mine, nu ati observat ca mama mea este bolnava, iar medicamentele de care are nevoie depasesc de cateva ori veniturile ei?
– Nu… raspunse primarul jenat.
– In al doilea rand, fratele meu, veteran de razboi, este condamnat intr-un scaun cu rotile si este orb.
Primarul incepe sa-si ceara scuze, dar e intrerupt:
– In plus, sora mea a murit intr-un accident lasand orfani trei copii.
Umilit, primarul:
– Nu stiam, ma iertati…
Insa avocatul continua:
– Nu vad de ce v-as da dumneavoastra bani, daca nu le dau nici lor..

Say colt 45 and 2 zig-zags, baby, thats all we need we can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed, as the marijana burn’ we can take our turn singing them dirty rap songs, stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong and sell tapes from here to Hong Kong.
So roll roll roll my joint pick out the seeds and stems
feelin high as hell flyin’ through Palmdale
skatin’ on ragged rims
so roll, roll, the ’83 Cadilac Coupe Deville
if my tapes and my CDs just don’t sell I bet my caddy will.

Well it was just sundown in small white town
they call it East Side Palmdale, well
when the Afroman walked through the white land
houses went up for sale
well I was standing on the corner sellin’ rap cds
when i met a little girl name Jan
I let her ride in my caddy cause i didnt know her daddy was the leader of the Ku Klux Klan
we fucked on the bed
fucked on the floor
fucked so long I grew a fuckin afro
then I fucked to the left
fucked to the right
she sucked my dick ’till the shit turned white
I thought to myself sheeba-sheeba
got my ass lookin’ like a zebra
I put on my clothes and I was on my way
when her daddy pulled up in a Chevrolet
and so I ran, I jumped out the back window
but her daddy he was waitin’ with a two-by-four
oh he beat me to the left
he beat me to the right
the mother fucker wooped my ass all night
but i aint mad at a prejudice dad
thats the best damn pussy I ever had
I got a bag of weed and a bottle of wine
I’m gonna fuck that bitch just one more time

Colt 45 and 2 zig-zags baby thats all we need
we can go to the Park, after dark
smoke that tumbleweed
as the marijuana burn we can take our turn singin them dirty rap songs
stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong
and sell tapes from here to hong kong
so roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems
feelin high as hell flyin’ through Palmdale
skatin on datin rims
so roll, roll, the ’83 Cadilac Coupe Deville
if my tapes and my cds just don’t sell, I bet my Cabby will

I met this lady in Hollywood
she had green hair but damn she looked good
I took her to my house ’cause she was fine
but she whupped out a dick that was bigger than mine

I met this lady from Japan
never made love with an African
I fucked her once
I fucked her twice
I ate that pussy like shrimp-fried rice
Don’t be amazed with at stories I tell ya
I met a woman in the heart of Australia
had a big butt and big titties too
so i hopped in her ass like a kangaroo

See i met this woman from Hawaii
stuck it in her ass and she said aaiiiii
lips where breakfast
pussy was lunch
then her titties busted open with Hawaiian punch

I met colonel Sanders’ wife in the state of Kentucky
she said I’ll fry some chicken if you just fuck me
I came in her mouth it was a crisis
I gave her my secret blend of herbs and spices

Colt 45 and 2zig-zags baby that’s all we need
we can go to the Park, after dark
smoke that tumbleweed
as the marijuana burn we can take our turn singin them dirty rap songs
stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong
and sell tapes from here to Hong Kong

I met Dolly Parton in Tennessee
Her titties were filled with hennessee
that country music really drove me crazy
but I rode that ass and said yes miss Daisy

I met this lady in Oklahoma
put that pussy in a coma

Met this lady in Michigan
I can’t wait ’til I fuck that bitch again

Met a real black girl down in South Carolina
fucked her til she turned to a white Albina

Fucked this hooker in Iowa
I fucked her on credit, so I owe her

Fucked this girl down in Georgia
came in her mouth, man I thought I told ya

Met this beautiful sexy hoe
she just ran across the border of Mexico
fine young thing said her name’s Maria
I wrapped her up just like a hot tortilla
I wanna get married but I can’t afford it
I know I’m a cry when she get deported

Colt 45 and 2zig-zags baby that’s all we need
we can go to the Park, after dark
smoke that tumbleweed
and as the marijuana burn we can take our turn
singin’ them dirty rap songs
stop and hit the bong like Cheech ching Chong
and sell tapes from here to Hong Kong

Have you ever went over a girls house to fuck
But the pussy just ain’t no good
I mean you gettin’ upset because you cant get her wet
Plus you in the wrong neighborhood
So you try to play it off and eat the pussy
But it take her so long to cum
Then a dude walk in that’s her big boyfriend
And he asks you where you from
So you wipe your mouth and you try to explain
You start talkin’ real fast
But he already mad cause you fuckin’ his woman
So he start beatin’ on you ass
Now your clothes all muddy
Your nose all bloody
Your dick was hard but now its soft
You thought you had a girl to rock your world
Now you still gotta go jack off



I was gonna clean my room, until I got high
I was gonna get up and find the broom, But then I got high
My room is still messed up And I know why. Why, man? ‘cuz I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

I was gonna go to class, before I got high
I coulda’ cheated and I coulda passed, but I got high
I’m taking it next semester and I know why. Why, man? ‘cuz I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

I was gonna go to work, but then I got high
I just got a new promotion, but I got high
Now I’m selling dope and I know why.Why, man? ‘cuz I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

I was gonna go to court, before I got high
I was gonna pay my child support, but then I got high. No, you weren’t!
They took my whole pay check, and I know why.Why, man? ‘cuz I got high,
Because I got high
Because I got high

I wasn’t gonna run from the cops but I was high. I’m serious, man!
I was gonna pull right over and stop, but I was high
Now I’m a paraplegic, and I know why. Why, man? ‘cuz I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

I was gonna pay my car a note, until I got high
I wasn’t gonna gamble on the boat, but then I got high
Now the tow truck’s pulling away, and I know why. Why, man? ‘cuz I got high, because I got high, because I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

I was gonna make love to you, but then I got high, I’m serious
I was gonna eat your pussy to, but then I got high
Now i’m jerking off and I know why. Turn this shit off! ‘cuz I got high, because I got high, because I got high

I messed up my entire life, because I got high
I lost my kids and wife , because I got high
Now I’m sleeping on the sidewalk, and I know why. Why, man? ‘cuz I got high, because I got high, because I got high

I’m gonna stop singing this song, because I’m high
I’m singing this whole thing wrong, because I’m high
And if I don’t sell one copy I know why. Why, man? ‘cuz I’m high,
because I’m high, because I’m high

Are you really high, man? He really is high, man! Get jiggy with it



 
Sunt student la medicina,
Viata mea e foarte plina,
Si senina…
Cand cadavrele disec,
In formol simt ca ma-inec.
Materialeles putine,
Fara ele nu-nveti bine,
Am nevoie de-un femur,
Merg in cimitir sa-l fur.
Intre cruci in noaptea grea,
Da, da, da,
Eu dezgrop pe cineva,
Da, da, da,
Mortu’ nu-i vechi ingropat,
Si trebuie descarnat,
Cu toporu tai picioru,
C-un cutit dau carnea jos,
De pe os,
Iau femuru-l bag in geanta,
Si ingrop mortul indata.
Merg acasa fericit,
Am izbandit.
Iau femuru’
Nu ma satur de privit,
Sunt studentul cel iubit,
Cel mai bun cel mai iubit,
Cel mai bun cel mai iubit,
Pentru asta am muncit,
Pentru asta am muncit,
Pentru asta am muncit,
Pentru asta am muncit,
Pentru asta…


Moonwalk!

In mod eronat criza de forta de munca din constructii e pusa pe seama plecarii muncitorilor romani pe santierele din Europa de Vest. Avem acum dovada ca dulgherii, fierar-betonistii, faiantarii si buldozeristii romani nu au emigrat ci s-au orientat spre joburi mult mai comode, in industria de publicitate. Fragmentele din reclama de mai jos sunt fie dovada ca intr-adevar publicitatea nu stie carte, fie ca intr-o noapte, vorba unui banc vechi da bun, tanara focoasa de la client-service a agentiei a fost tentata de ceva extrem si s-a culcat cu cei doi copywriteri nou angajati, dar dimineata s-a trezit plina de sudori.

E, cine zicea ca romanii sunt un popor gregar, ca de la Miorita sau de la comunism ni se trage totul. Bullshit! Ia priviti aici un experiment facut pe americani cu camera ascunsa.

Desi incerc din rasputeri sa ocolesc stirile PRO TV am dat din intamplare peste o stire. Si culmea, una bine facuta. Pe scurt, mascatii au chemat televiziunea sa-i filmeze cum dau buzna peste o banda de raufactori ascunsi intr-o carciuma dintr-un sat oarecare. E adevarat ca, dat fiind ca “mafiotilor” abia le dadusera tuleiele, ei au trebuit sa fie blurati, dar captura a fost una impresionanta: o tabla de rummy si 400.000 lei (vechi).

Mandru de isprava, seful trupelor speciale a dat si un interviu, fireste cagulat ca sa nu fie recunoscut de temutii jucatori de rummy. Se pregateste o actiune similara care sa rapuna si crima organizata din sah. Pentru moment nu s-a gasit insa un politist capabil sa invete jocul respectiv pentru a fi infiltrat in lumea periculosilor jucatori de sah.

POST SCRIPT: Dupa ce am laudat umorul din singura stire buna pe care am vazut-o in ultima vreme pe PRO TV, clipul care era inclus mai sus in articol a fost sters de pe site-ul televiziunii. Chiar asa, un material inteligent n-ar fi facut decat sa discrediteze stirile de la ora 5!

Inca o creatie a trupei de stand-up comedy din Deko. Cred ca o asemenea sceneta ne arata ca ar avea loc fara probleme si la televiziune, daca si-ar propune sa persevereze in directia asta. Daca vreti sa fiti la curent cu ce mai fac ei sau pur si simplu sa radeti, puteti arunca o privire pe unul din cele mai tari bloguri din Romania http://bloguluteo.wordpress.com



Pagina 1 of 212

Media

Film

Muzica

Sport

Funny

Spiritualitate

Politica